FOAD Thursdays!!

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

Hey Jude, don’t be afraid.

You were made to go out and get her.

The minute you let her under your skin,

Then you begin to make it better.

And anytime you feel the pain,

hey Jude, refrain,

Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders.

For well you know that it’s a fool who plays it cool

By making his world a little colder.

Hey Jude, don’t let me down.

You have found her,

now go and get her.

Remember to let her into your heart,

Then you can start to make it better.

So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin,

You’re waiting for someone to perform with.

And don’t you know that it’s just you, hey Jude, you’ll do,

The movement you need is on your shoulder.

Hey Jude, don’t make it bad.

Take a sad song and make it better.

Remember to let her under your skin,

Then you’ll begin to make it

Better better better better better better, oh.

It all sounds so simple...what if you just don't know how to make it better? To let someone under your skin? I guess I'm the fool that makes my world a bit colder. But why??!! I can't even understand myself, or maybe I can and I don't want to face it.

I know that I can't let anyone come near me...too afraid to lose them. When a guy tells me he likes me I first get attracted, but when I notice I am starting to really really like him I start doing all these weird things. Because of that the guy will get really hurt or confused, causing them to step away from me, so I am also hurting myself. Some people need to cut their arms, just to feel alive or to feel anything...I cut myself up mentally I am just really fucked up sometimes...

Why do I keep hurting the people I like? I mean...I really DO want them in my life and even though I know it's stupid what my mind is doing, it's still happening. It's like I can't turn it off. Everything is fine until I really start to have feelings for a person. I have to build my wall even higher and higher. Not letting anyone try to tear it down...and to make sure of that I put guns on top of my wall...shooting everyone who tries to come close...

I am also noticing at the moment that I get upset more easily...again due to the weather change and the stress from work at the moment. Today I almost got into another argument with that "friend", but I was smart enough to just walk away and meet someone for lunch. My "friend" said that is was ridiculous that I was meeting someone for lunch who works in the building next to ours. I was supposed to be back at 1 for an observation ( I was observing). Normally we have a lunchbreak at 12.15, but because my "friend" and supervisor decided to talk for ages that left me with maybe 10 or 15 minutes left to eat. So when she said that it was ridiculous that I went off to get some food I just told her that was her opinion and not mine and I left...FUCK YOU..WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM GIRL!!!???

I really can't figure her out...telling me I am selfish and being ridiculous, but meanwhile always saying what other people do to her and OMG she reacts soo dramatic to most things. I am trying to let it be her problem, but as we spend a lot of time together I am always facing this problem.

Pff...maybe I should move to the moon.

That would solve a couple of problems for sure :P

1. No more annyoing people

2. Less weight YAY!!! :D

3. No sollicitors at your door

4. Do whatever you want

5. Did I mention less weight??!! Adios scales...no more weighing!!

Hmmm..this moon thing is getting more attractive by the minute!!

She’s taking her time making up the reasons

To justify all the hurt inside

Guess she knows from the smiles and the look in their eyes

Everyone’s got a theory about the bitter one

They’re saying

Mama never loved her much

daddy never keeps in touch

That’s why she shies away from human affection

But somewhere in a private place

She packs her bags for outer space

And now she’s waiting for the right kind of pilot

To come (and she’ll say to him)

She’s saying

I would fly you to the moon and back

If you’ll be if you’ll be my baby

Got a ticket for a world where we belong

So would you be my baby

She can’t remember a time

When she felt needed

If love was red then she was colour-blind

All her friends they’ve been tried for treason

And crimes that were never defined

She’s saying

Love is like a barren place

And reaching out for human faith is

Is like a journey I just don’t have a map for

So baby gonna take a dive and push the shift to overdrive

Send a signal that she’s hanging all her hopes on the stars(What a pleasant dream)

just saying

Mamma never loved her much

And daddy never keeps in touch

That’s why she shies away from human affection

But somewhere in a private place

She packs her bags for outer space

And now she’s waiting for the right kind of pilot

To come (and she’ll say to him)She’s saying

I would fly you to the moon and back
If you’ll be if you’ll be my baby
Got a ticket for a world where we belong
So would you be my baby...

At work and other ramblings

It actually was a nice day at work today...I had much fun.
Was messing about with my colleagues especially after 4.30 pm when people just decided to stop coming in.
I had brought my camera so we made some funny pictures in the last hour. We got everything done very quickly so we could leave 5 minutes after closing time :D

Is it just me or are things starting to seem less funny?
The days are getting shorter, it should be getting colder...still waiting for that to happen though. It is getting darker, more rain even hail now and then. I can imagine people getting winter-depression over that, I mean I get them. But is that only nature's fault? I mean, when it is sunny people seem happier. I think that is just because it is easier for them to act happy when the sun is shining...who will ever notice you being unhappy when the sun is shining...as though people shut their eyes for sorrow when the sun shines brightly.
And then they are the ones that shout that a lot of people have got winter depressions...it's not just that..it's also the fact that people, friends family, colleagues etc. close their eyes in summer and then open them in winter. So I wouldn't call it winter depression, but summer-blindness.
And then if they do notice you being unhappy they might say you are overreacting or similar stuff. How can they say that you are overreacting when they don't know what it is all about themselves?

It's the same as when my father died. People really stuck a knife in my back. They let me down. And then they say I should GET OVER IT. How can someone EVER get over the death of a parent? Ohw wait, even better: Forget about him..WTF!!!??? Who in his/her rightgeous mind would ever tell a friend to forget about their parents!!?? It's like denying you were ever born... The only thing I can learn is to live with it...and that doesn't even mean learn to live with the fact that he is gone, no you learn how to live with the constant pain of having to miss someone you care about so deeply that most people don't even understand.
The thing is, they pretend to care, especially in the beginning, but the shit starts after a month. Then they start telling you that you should be getting over it or they just plainly ignore you. The worst thing someone can say is: But that was already a month ago!!??
Yeah so? That pain will NEVER EVER go away...like I said you may learn to live with it, some may never. But having to miss someone so close...I don't wish it upon anybody, but sometimes some people should feel what it's like..only so that they can shut their stupid faces.
You know, I could go on about this all night, but I won't because it is upsetting me even more by even thinking about it.


***end of brainfart***

So here I am...

Waiting to get going. I have to work in a bit. Luckily for me it is only a 3 minute walk. Not to shabby I should think!!

Last night actually was fun!! My brother was away to an Iron Maiden concert and my mother and I just watched Harry Potter 1. I still love that film, even though some of the acting (think Mr. Potter himself) lacked some quality from time to time :P:P But I must say that all the yound actors have really grown throughout the 4 films!!

Well, that friend and I are on speaking terms again. I thought, what the hell, I'll just talk to her on IM. I know for a fact that she would never make that first move...too stubborn. That is just so typical. People get into arguments because they're stubborn and then ALWAYS simply refuse to make ammends. I don't get that. That is just like my ex, who was always so sure of other people intentionally hurting him or just simply being against him. Everything was someone else's fault, never his own. That is why we got in to a lot of arguments at one point...he just wouldn't accept the fact that someone else could be right for once and that he, duh, was wrong.

Anyway, time's up, better get ready for work...

***end of brainfart***

What is this world coming to...

...when all you do is lie in bed until past noon and then decide to get up and do nothing the rest of the afternoon?


I really was not feeling like doing anything today, so I set my alarm clock and when it went off I turned on my cell phone and texted a friend that I wasn't coming in today ( don't worry, I am not required to come in every day).
So then I closed my eyes and went backto sleep again. When I finally woke up at noon I thought, let's just listen to some radio before I actually get up. Well, that cost me another hour as well. Then I came downstairs to find my brother and his friends playing SingStar on the playstation 2. Ofcourse I joined immediately..anything to keep me from what I am really supposed to do. So, messed around a bit with that...then turned on my computer and messed around on that a bit. I am actually supposed to take a shower and read a book or do some stuff for work, but I really can't make myself at the moment...it's horrible. That's what working all weekend does to you. I really do NOT want to work Sunday's again...it's too much in too short a period.

So I guess I will go and take my shower and start reading that book...

***End of brainfart***

First log

So, this is my first post on my blog.

I am just curious to know how many people actually read this stuff. I mean I've come across some rather interesting blogs on here...quite funny as well actully.

I will introduce myself a bit, but not too much as I want to keep a big part of who I am secret, to avoid problems with people who I know. Sounds weird, but I just need a place to vent from time to time. Those rants can be about people who really piss me off from time to time or just rants about random stuff and random people :P That is why I am calling it brainfarts as well.

Some things just strike you and need to be said without hurting too many people...so maybe this is the place for that.


I really can't stand people who think they are perfect and therefore make you feel imperfect. I mean the kind of people that think they are allowed to whine, rant etc. at you all the time about their problems, because those are what really matters. But when you stand up for yourself you are being selfish and blah!
I mean in my job there is this person(friend, whatever you want to call it) who wants to go on holiday. Perfectly fine by me you know, but there always have to be problems. This person has been talking about that holiday since June or something, still not decided whether or not to go. Then when I make an appointment with an official about some work-related stuff I am being called selfish by that "friend" because I didn't take her holiday into consideration when making that appointment. How am I to take a plan for a holiday into consideration that has NEVER taken any realistic forms??!! This is just the world turned upside down...I am being called selfish because I think my work is important...if she had just booked the damn holiday then I could have taken it into account. Also she was there when the appointment was made...Girl, You have a mouth...USE IT!!!

Tsk, tsk, just because I am standing up for myself I am selfish...ok, well, then I will just shut up forever and let people walk all over me..I think that my "friend" would loooove that..no more problems because I am being selfish then...

Guys, never let anyone call you selfish because you are saying what you think/feel or because you are standing up for yourself...some people are just not worth it...