
How come you can feel full of energy one day and then so bloody tired the next?
I did shit this weekend..nothing at all, had all the time I needed to relax an do nice stuff. I took that chance and did absolutely NOTHING! Exactly what weekends are intended for.
Then today I had to go to school, had to hand in some stuff, take a test and talk to one of my tutors.
Now I am back home and I am literally drained of all energy, mentally aswell as physically. My back and hip hurt, my eyes seem to be unable to stay open for longer than 10 minutes and I felt like crying ever since I left that schoolbuilding.
Maybe it has to do with the talk to my tutor.
I had to ask her if it would be possible to do my next placement in stages, because due to family circumstances I won't be home for two weeks in November. Well, the woman she is, there was a very blurry and confusing answer. She is always confusing everybody, including herself. She told me it would not be possible to take two weeks off school and that I better just sit this semester out and do it next year....EXCUSE ME???!!! I think I said I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make sure I finish this year on time...I already have plans for next year and I am not willing to give those up because YOU can't arrange for something.
Luckily I have my boss (read: mother lol) on my side and she is going to help me do whatever it takes to make sure I can finish my placement and more importantly my course within this academic year.
I guess it's the explaining why I feel I have to go those two weeks what got to me. It reminded me of how much my family has been through and how difficult it has been for all of us. I noticed how difficult I still find it to express myself and how hard it is to explain and say what you feel and think. I was almost in tears when I was talking to her, but managed not to...pfft who cries nowadays anyway...such a sign of weakness! ( I know deep down inside that this is not true, it's not weak, but still I don't allow myself to cry and if I do I hate myself for it time and time again).
I was so pissed off at everything when I left the schoolbuilding I couldn't even think straight...turned on my mp3-player full blast, so I guess the people travelling on the metro and the train with me got a pretty good picture of what music I listen to...fuck them anyway..
I am so done with school and life this way....sometimes I just wish I could stop the world from spinning one day...preferably in the mornings between sleeping and waking, when reality hasn't hit you that hard yet and you seem to be feeling happy I guess.
How great would it be to be able to lie in bed all day, thinking happy and warm fuzzy thoughts about things you are looking forward to, or dreaming about that one guy you fancy or just know that you can fall back asleep and the world will wait for you this one time to wake up and feel better.
My favourite time of day is waking up, being in that twilight zone and just don't let reality in your life yet. It's even better when you're with someone...waking up, turning 'round, hugging your love and fall back asleep like that...all warm, loved, yeah I guess you get the picture.
I Told the sun, not to shine and stay away
I Told the lake, to go dry and wash away
Am I wrong, am I strong, walk away
do I know there are no words to say
Am I yours, Am I mine, anyway
Do I know there are no words
I am the only princess, I'm indestructible
I am winged victory, I am so breakable
I am the distant planet, I am the golden sun
I am the broken pieces, I am the lonely one
Asked the sky, to fall down on you
Asked the night, to be solid proof
Am I good, am I bad, or the same
Am I bad, am I worse, stay away
Is there anything else left to say,
Are there really any words
I am the flying spaceship, Identifiable
I am the perfect lover, tell me I'm loveable
I am the distant planet, I am the purple sun
I am the highest mountain, I am the lonely one
So here's me now, without you
I Turn the lights out, without you
Should I be frightened, without you
Always night now without you
I am the darkest morning, I am the sleeping fool
I am the wandering gypsy, I'm right here next to you
I am the distant planet, I am the golden sun
I am the empty canyon, I am the lonely one
Lonely one